We'll Carry On
by BarryAllenFlash
Summary: Barry Allen is gone, stuck in the speedforce indefinitely. Now Team Flash is left behind to mourn the loss of their friend and protect Central City in his absence. Set in the six months prior to Barry's reappearce, how can any of them expect to move on? Or will certain members of Team Flash do anything they can to bring Barry back? Rated T, for now.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to my first story for The Flash! I'll keep this authors note at the beginning short so you can just read the story, but I have a longer one at the end you should read! :) But if you're here, thank you so much for taking the time to read this story!**

 **(P.S. who else is PUMPED for the intro of Breacher & Elongated man tonight? I know I am! :D)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own The Flash or anything related at all. They belong to The CW, DC Comics, & any other related parties. **

* * *

**_Joe's POV_**

 _Numb. Hollow. Crushed._

The ride back to the house was deathly silent. No one spoke and no one made eye contact.

The only sound that could be heard was sniffling and silent sobs from behind him.

He felt numb. Cold as ice, absolutely destroyed. He was surprised he'd held it together this long. The only thought on his mind was to keep it together until he reached the safety of his own bedroom.

Then he could cry. But he refused to do it in front of Iris and Wally.

Jay had left for this earth not long after it happened. And it honestly pained Joe to see someone else leave. Even if it was a man he barely knew.

It was a stupid feeling but Jay felt like the last hope, the last connection to the speedforce. He knew more about it than anyone else there. And Joe hadn't wanted to lose that.

He didn't envy Harry, who had been vibed to Star Labs by Gypsy. Having to sleep in that giant facility all alone. Harry had declined Joe's offer to stay at his house. The man had been quieter than Joe had ever seen him.

Cisco seemed just as shaken as himself and Wally, barely able to focus on getting into his car without the help of Gypsy.

Joe was glad she was here. Out of everyone tonight, she knew Barry the least. Which meant she was the least attached and could direct everyone to go home. Because right after the speedforce closed, they just stood there, staring at the spot where Barry had disappeared.

Wally was doing his best to stay strong too. He wouldn't look at Joe either, just stared out his window with arms crossed, occasionally swiping a hand over his eyes or sniffling. Joe wished he knew what was going on in his sons head.

And Iris...

It had taken nearly forty-five minutes to coax her into getting into the car. And even then she merely curled up against the back window and cried.

The sound shook him to his very core. Hearing his baby girl in that much pain was like having a dozen knives piercing his heart all at once.

Losing Barry tonight had been one of the worst feelings he'd ever experienced in his entire life. The desperation, the heartache, the fear. All of it was still clogged in his throat. The initial heartache was almost as painful as when he thought he'd lost Iris to Savitar.

Only this was much worse now because it was lasting. They learned pretty quickly that it was actually HR. But this, this was a long-lasting pain.

Which is why he couldn't even fathom how Iris must've felt. To lose someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with? He couldn't imagine a worse emotional burden to bear.

They arrived at house and for a few minutes after Joe took the keys out of the ignition, and they all just sat there.

The world didn't feel right anymore. It was a different place without Barry Allen and Joe hated it. Not even a full day after he thought he lost Iris, he lost Barry. For good.

The happy-faced boy that he brought into his home, the one who had endured so much pain and loss but still remained hopeful, was gone.

He was feeling sick again, so he tore his eyes away from the spot on the dashboard he'd been staring at and unbuckled his seat.

"Come on. We should try and sleep." Joe spoke, his voice hoarse and shaky.

Wally nodded, still not speaking as he got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

Iris didn't move an inch.

So Joe got out of the car and went around to her door, opening it and kneeling down beside her.

"Iris. You need to get inside. You can't stay in the car, baby girl." Joe spoke lowly, as Wally opened the front door and went inside without a word.

Iris, who'd been staring with tears in her eyes, let loose with a sob, throwing her arms around Joe.

He caught her, not all that surprised at her movement.

"D-dad- he- I-" She stuttered, tears streaming down her face.

Joe closed his eyes painfully at the sound, squeezing her tightly into his chest.

"Shhh. I know, look its- we're going to get through this. Somehow we will." Joe spoke into her hair, feeling her tears soak his shirt.

She mumbled something incoherently against him, so he pulled away just enough to look into her face.

"We will Iris, we have to. If not for ourselves, then for Barry." Joe voice cracked at his last words, his throat clogged with emotion.

His words seem to send a shock through her body. She released another gut-wrenching sob, but nodded her head, reaching to unbuckle her seat.

He allowed her to lean against him as he shut the door and locked the car, leading her into the house. He legs were a little shaky so he guided her up the stairs. He'd never seen Iris so emotionally compromised before which terrified to him his very core.

In the time they were outside, Wally had changed into his pajamas and lit a fire.

It was the only light source aside from the moon outside, so shadows from the flame flickered across the walls, creating a peaceful, warm atmosphere.

Wally's eyes were rimmed red, but he managed a very weak smile. It wasn't quite a happy smile, but it made Joe feel a tiny bit better nonetheless.

Wally cleared his throat, stepping forward a little. "Hey Iris, I um, I set up a warm bath for you upstairs. If you want."

His son's gesture warmed his heart and he was so glad he had Wally here with him. He didn't know how he could help Iris through this alone.

Iris nodded. She was no longer sobbing but the sad frown, soaked cheeks, and bloodshot eyes told him she was no where near ready to speak normally.

She tore away from Joe and walked up the stairs, almost in a trance.

Joe and Wally watched her go, at a complete and utter loss for words. How do you comfort someone when you're feeling just as lost and torn-apart inside?

When they heard the bathroom door click shut, Joe turned to face Wally. He immediately took his son into his arms, hugging him tightly.

Joe choked back a cry of his own when he felt Wally shaking with silent sobs.

Losing someone like Barry, someone who had only ever been open and kind despite mistakes he and others made, was like having a piece of you missing.

Wally, who didn't know Barry nearly as well as Joe and Iris, or even Cisco, could feel the hole that had formed in his life.

They pulled away after a few moments and sat back on the couch.

"Dad?" Wally asked, his face streaked with tears as he stared at the flames.

"Hmm?" Joe asked, he wasn't going to even bother getting changed. He didn't want to get up.

Wally sighed, his nose stuffed up as he curled into himself. "Do you think we'll ever see him again?"

Joe's stomach clenched, he wanted to say with absolute certainty that they would. But dark thoughts were creeping into his head that told him that was impossible. The speedforce was not something one wanted to mess with. And if it needed Barry in there, it sure as hell wasn't going to let him leave without another big sacrifice.

But he didn't have the heart to tell Wally that. And he wasn't sure if he could even get the words out if he tried.

"I hope so, Wally. Maybe one day."

There was so much uncertainty surrounding his life now. He didn't know what tomorrow would bring, how he was going to handle everything.

All Joe knew was that he was grateful he still had the other people in his life. He didn't want to think about how life would be if he didn't have his family to rely on.

* * *

 **Now, go easy on me because this is my first story. I have a ton of stuff written in my notes app but I've never published anything. But I strongly encourage any constructive criticism.**

 **Let me clarifiy that I absolutely ADORED everything the premiere episode of season 4 and I totally and completely understand why they brought Barry back in the first episode. He's the main character and this is a network show that relies on ratings. Nuff said.**

 **But since this is fanfiction, I thought it would be fun to explore the kinds of things that happened in those six months and how everyone got on their season 4 paths. The first 7-12 chapters most likely won't have Barry in the flesh, but his presence will certainly play a major role AND he'll defintely be in the story. You'll just have to be patient and stick with me.**

 **And yes, as you can see, this story is based in the time between seasons 3 & 4\. Beyond that, I will either make it go AU, or I'll start following along with the episodes this season (which have been FANTASTIC btw). So all that is to be decided.**

 **The next three chapters will be Wally, Cisco, and Iris' pov. So stay tuned for those! (i.e. review, fav, follow ;) )**

 **Thus concludes this absurdly long authors note.**

 **Until next communion!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Since it's Flash Day AND Halloween, I figured I'd do a double update!**

 **So Happy Flash Day and Happy Halloween everyone! Stay safe and don't forget to watch Flash live ;)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Flash or anything related, as much as I'd like to. It all belongs to the CW, DC Comics, and other related parties.**

* * *

 ** _Wally's POV_**

Scared. Guilty. Desperate.

He didn't think it was possible to feel any worse. After being sucked into the speedforce and having to experience his mothers death over and over and over...

Wally was sure that the feeling in the pit of his stomach couldn't feel any more soul-sucking.

But then Barry sacrificed himself to the speedforce to save them all. Their leader, their hero. The one person who never gave up on saving his sister, who never gave up on him. The one who risked it all to go into the speedforce and save Wally himself.

And Wally couldn't help but feel like it was partially his fault. If he hadn't gotten stuck in the damn speedforce, thinking he could end it all himself, Savitar never would have gotten out. And none of this would have even happened.

He would give anything to reverse his mistake, _anything_. As long as it meant fixing all this. Giving Iris back her fiancée, Joe back his quasi-son, Cisco back his best friend, and getting his friend/mentor back. With everything that had gone on, Barry never got to properly train him.

But now _he_ was The Flash. He had the responsibility of the whole city on his shoulders and he was absolutely scared shitless.

Barry had dubbed him the new Flash and Wally wasn't sure what that would entail. Taking up his mantle? Using Barry's old suit?

Even the thought of doing that made him sick. How could he possibly parade around in Barry's old suit in front of Iris, Joe, and Cisco? See the hurt, pained, or maybe even disappointed expressions on their faces?

He wasn't Barry and he didn't plan to be. Barry had cast a pretty giant shadow, touching everyone's lives in more ways than one. Changing everyone's lives.

How was he going to measure up?

And then he heard it.

Iris had been crying all night, Wally could hear her from his bedroom. So after about an hour of being unable to sleep and listening to his sister sob into her pillow, he went downstairs.

The sound of her sobs physically pained him and he didn't know if they'd ever stop.

Downstairs, he found himself making a quick cup of hot coco and sitting on the couch facing the window.

It was raining now, the streaks of rain sliding down the dark windowpanes reflecting the mood of the household.

He could hear the rain loud and clear, it was the only other sound besides the muffled cries.

Turns out it wasn't any better downstairs though. After only about ten minutes, he heard Joe's quiet cries. Joe.

Hearing someone who'd been so strong all night, finally break down like that...

He knew Joe had been staying strong for them, but he wasn't prepared to hear Joe crying like this.

It was enough to get tears welling up in Wally's eyes again. They burned as he tried to push them back.

He felt the raw emotion and sadness clogging the house, making the air heavy and insufferable. It was choking him and rendering him unable to even think properly.

So he sped upstairs and changed into jeans and and jacket, rushing out of the house before anyone could notice.

The air and rain were freezing as they whipped at his face. He may have been fast, but he wasn't waterproof. At least the rain had settled a bit as the night had worn on.

But by the time he reached his destination, he was more than a little damp. His growing hair wet and a few raindrops dripping down his forehead.

He didn't care right now. It just felt good to be out of that house, away from everything.

The rain felt like it was cleansing him. And as he looked out into the dark sky that was so massive he felt it could swallow him whole, he felt something akin to hope.

As much as it felt like it, the world hadn't stopped turning, life wasn't over. He still had people in his life.

The loss of Barry was a massive whole in his heart. He and Barry hadn't known eachother much longer than a year and a half. But in that time Wally had come to love Barry and understand why everyone around him held him in such high prestige.

Sure, he wasn't perfect and he made a lot of mistakes, some very life-changing ones. But he was human after all. The good guy, the one who always tried to learn from his past, take his pain and turn it into something beautiful. The one who risked his life for anyone and everyone, evil-metas and strangers included.

They'd beat Savitar. They'd won the battle, but it turns out they'd just lost the war.

They'd lost the hope in their life, the hope and optimism Barry always tried to bring even in the darkest of times. Even when they had one day until Iris was supposed to die, Barry didn't let up. He believed they could do it.

Wally sniffled and ran his hand under his nose, closing his eyes.

No.

He wasn't going to let that happen. He wasn't going to let hope die just because Barry did.

He didn't feel like going home yet so he sat on a bench nearby that overlooked the city.

He missed this place. His mom used to drive him up here and they'd just sit and look at the stars, forget about the world.

Keystone Eastside Park really did have a beautiful view of Central City.

He promised himself then and there that he was going to keep fighting in Barry's name. That no matter what, he was going to keep hope alive.

* * *

 **Yes, rather short. But these first four will be much shorter as they're just glimpses into the overall struggles certain characters will be going through in this story. Trust me, the updates will get longer when we start getting into the six months of Barry's absence.**

 **Next up, Cisco's POV!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the newest update featuring Cisco's POV. Next up: Iris!**

 **And how PHENOMENAL was "Elongated Journey Into Night"? Tom C did a fabulous job. Danny Trejo and Hartley Sawyer were also freakin fantastic. (Plus I'm ALWAYS happy to see Jessica Camacho back on my screen). Funniest episode of The Flash yet, and my personal fav season 4 episode! So funny, heartfelt, and badass, all in one episode! :D Can't wait for next week!**

* * *

 _ **Cisco's POV**_

Broken. Sick. Powerless.

Cisco wasn't sure if he'd ever get out of this cycle of emotions.

The moment Barry looked back at them, that heart-warming smile on his face, was the moment Cisco lost it.

How could life be this unfair?

Barry Allen, a man who lost his parents at the age of eleven. One dead, one imprisoned. A man who then encountered multiple deaths of people he cared about, friends. His mother and father killed by speedsters. His fiancée almost murdered by one, one that happened to be a future time remnant of himself. And then he still gets punished for his mistakes, getting sucked into the speedforce just as they think they can all move on.

Despite how upset Cisco had been with Barry over his mistake with Flashpoint, how angry he was, in the end he understood. Cisco would've given anything to have Dante brought back to life, to have his family fixed. But Barry's choice to rewrite time had severe consequences, ones that he was paying for.

And Cisco wouldn't wish that on anybody. He never wanted this. He just wanted his best friend back.

"Cisco? We're here." A soft voice spoke to his right. He looked over and was met with the smoky brown eyes of his... Well, his Cynthia. He didn't really know what they were right now.

All he knew was that she was the only think keeping him from falling apart. Both literally and figuratively.

Shakily, he took out his keys and unlocked the door, letting her push it open and shut it behind them.

His apartment was dark, the only light coming from his pinball machine by the far window. He didn't even have the energy to flick the lights on.

Cynthia was trailing behind him, steering him towards the couch and lightly pushing him down.

This was the softest and most gentle she'd ever been. It was strange, but he was so incredibly grateful for it.

She went about locking his door, turning on the lamp by the couch, and shuffling around the kitchen.

That left him alone to drown in his thoughts. And as they had been for two days, those thoughts strayed to his friends.

First, he lost HR. A man that he'd found irritating at first, but eventually came to have very fond feelings for. For so long, his relationship with Harrison Wells had consisted of Harrison as the mentor and Cisco as the student.

It was that dynamic with Wells/Eobard and a similar dynamic with Harry. But with HR, it was the other way around. Cisco found himself being the mentor and it was a different feeling for him. In a way, he felt responsible for HR. Their relationship had become special to him.

Then he lost Caitlin this morning, maybe for good this time. His longest friendship. The one person who'd been there with him since before the particle accelerator even exploded. She just chose to go off on her own, not even sure of who she was. His Caitlin, one of his best friends in the whole world, was probably gone and wouldn't be coming back. Replaced instead with Killer Frost.

Finally, he lost Barry tonight. His best friend. Without Barry, he didn't even want to think about where his life would be right now. It was Barry who changed his life, Barry who made his life special, gave it more meaning. Without The Flash, there wouldn't have been Eobard. And without Eobard, who knows if he would've come to work at Star Labs.

It was a whole chain of events that Cisco knew all linked to Barry. The Flash. His best friend. His hero.

Tears stung his eyes again, his hands in his lap as he stared at his feet. He vaguely wondered if everyone else on the team was this numb to the world. He knew Iris and Joe were probably worse off than him right now.

Cynthia sighed, sitting next to him. Her warm thigh was pressed up against his and somehow that gave him comfort.

"Here, drink this water. I can see how dry your mouth is." She told him quietly, placing a glass of water on the coffee table in front of him.

He shook his head. "I'm not thirsty. And I'm not hungry either." He added, anticipating her response. "I don't think I could stomach anything right now."

He wasn't angry, or upset at her. He just wanted to sit and doing nothing. It was easier than trying to move on with his life. Something he didn't even know was possible right now.

Cynthia sighed again, hesitating for a moment before placing her hand over his balled-up ones. "Please Cisco. You can't let yourself go like this. Barry wouldn't want that."

Cisco whipped his head to look at her. Her soft brown eyes were blinking up at him sadly. Her usual sass and fire were gone at the moment. Replaced by something tender and sympathetic.

It seemed to cancel out the rush of upset that hit him at the mention of Barry's name.

With her last statement in mind, Cisco reached for the glass of water. He took a small sip and felt the cool liquid rush through his body, making his insides feel less heavy.

"Good. Now how about some food? I'm not the best cook in the multiverse so we can just order in." She took the water from him and rubbed his shoulder.

He nodded, knowing she wasn't going to stop until he'd eaten something. Her persistence was charming, he'd give her that.

She smiled a little, just for a second and got up. "I'll be right back, okay? I think it'll be easier if I just vibe there. Pizza okay?"

"Sounds great." He watched her go, already missing the warmth she provided.

She threw her fist up and opened a breach, disappearing a moment later.

The second she was gone, the apartment immediately felt cold and barren. Maybe there was something to that "connection" she mentioned after all.

He fell face first into his hands, letting the tears fall. He would give anything to fix things. To bring Barry back. The world already felt less bright.

He wasn't sure how long he cried, time just seemed to stand still. It was horrible. This whole situation was just horrible.

He didn't even hear a breach behind him reopen. Didn't hear the pizza box dropped on the table. But he felt her presence the momebt she breached in. He just didn't care that she was watching him break down and cry. He didn't move until she was by side, kneeling by his knees with her hands on his forearms.

She managed to pry his hands away from his face. The look of sympathy on her own face was enough to start a new wave of tears from him.

He was so broken he didn't even care that she was seeing him like this. Seeing him this weak.

"Lets forget about the food for a while." She whispered, pulling away and moving to sit back on the couch.

He sniffled, swiping a hand over his eyes as he watched her movements. He wanted to be close to her but he didn't want to overstep the boundaries set between them.

She was being gentle with him because of the circumstances, he knew that. Any wrong move and he was sure she'd still castrate him.

"You should sleep, okay?" She grabbed the afghan off the back of the couch as well as the pillow from between them.

She placed the pillow on her lap and Cisco immediately knew what she was hinting at.

Even though he was depressed and gutted, a bit of shyness and affection curled in his belly as he laid his head on the pillow.

She covered him in the blanket and he stared up at her, his heart thumping. This was the most content he'd been in weeks. He didn't want her to leave his sight ever again.

"You'll stay with me, right?" Cisco mumbled, his eyelids feeling heavier the longer he looked up at her.

She nodded yes, running a hand through his hair and pushing it off his forehead.

Satisfied that her being here would keep this aura of calm around him, Cisco closed his eyes and slowly fell into a restless sleep to feeling of Cynthia running her nimble fingers through his hair.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the newest chapter with Iris' pov!**

 **I'd appreciate it if you could answer the question at the end of the chapter :) Thank you all for reading!**

* * *

 ** _Iris' POV_**

Devastated. Heartbroken. Angry.

She'd never felt so lifeless, so done with the universe. Never felt so strangled and suffocated by her own pain. Not even after Eddie and Ronnie both died in a single day.

No, this time she'd lost Barry. Her Barry. For good.

There was no pulling him out of the speedforce using Cisco's vibe powers. This wasn't done to him. Barry made the choice to go in there willing and pay for what he'd done with Flashpoint.

He was too calm though, and that's what scared her. Almost more than the thought of never seeing him again.

She knew he loved them all, more than anything. That wasn't the problem.

He left so easily, without any real debate on the matter. He didn't talk to her, nothing. The man she was going to spend her life with didn't even bother consulting her.

Central City, the world, of course they were more important than her. Part of her felt like if he'd talked to her, she could've talked him down. Maybe they could've come up with a better solution that didn't involve him dying.

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. It's not like they'd had a lot of time. But still, it was the _what if_ that was killing her.

Then this nagging thought in the back of her mind kept repeating the same thing over and over.

What if he left so easily because he was tired of living? What if the pain and heartache he'd gone through in his life since the young age of eleven, was stronger than any love he had for her, Joe, and the rest of the team?

The thought of those being his final thoughts in life was enough to set her off again.

Her eyes were puffy and red rimmed, her chest aching, her stomach still in knots. Yet nothing was worse than the vice-grip her heart was in.

She'd been laying in bed for over three hours, unable to close her eyes without seeing his face. His smiling face was the last thing she saw of him.

At some point during the night, Joe knocked quietly on the door and poked his head in. "Do you need anything, Iris? Tea? More blankets?" Joe asked softly, dressed in his dark green pajamas, his eyes also dark and red-rimmed.

She was facing the door so she shook her head, the light from the hallway ensuring that he saw her response.

He sighed, stepping into the room and kissing her head, lingering longer than usual. Iris squeezed her eyes shut.

"Love you, baby girl." He smiled sadly down at her before quietly stepping back out and latching the door shut.

Iris pulled her blanket up to her nose, feeling absolutely miserable and broken. Watching someone else feel this kind of pain was just as heartbreaking, especially when that person was her father. Joe was one of the toughest people she knew. So seeing him crack made her lose even more hope.

She didn't know how much time had passed. All she knew was that the rain had been going back and forth from heavy to light. Her gaze stayed on the window as she thought through memories of Barry.

Her hero, her best friend, her fiancee, her other half.

He was so ready to give himself up so they were all safe, he was almost at peace with dying.

Ugh. She just wanted this pain to go away, even for a little bit.

The bath Wally set up for her had helped a little. It soothed the cuts on her knees she'd gotten when she dropped onto them minutes after Barry left. The devastation she felt was not something she was likely to ever forget.

She had stared at the spot unrelenting, unbelieving that the man she loved was gone for good. In the blink of an eye, half an hour after he'd sent out the save-the-dates for their wedding.

If it wasn't for Gypsy, she would probably still be there, waiting for the breach to open again. Gypsy was the only one not affected as much by Barry departure. So she took it upon herself to make everyone go home and even took Harry back to Star Labs.

And if wasn't for Joe and Wally, she wouldn't have been able to walk without falling over herself in tears.

She stared out the window, unable to cry anymore tears, but unable to relieve the frown from her face or the stabbing in her stomach and heart.

It was just so unfair. Life had been too unfair to them. And that made her angry. Amongst all her sad emotions, she also felt a twinge of anger. After all they'd done to help people, this was how the universe decided to give back. By ruining her happy ending, ruining Barry's.

Barry talked about how this was his penance for creating Flashpoint, but he was wrong. He didn't mess up time on purpose, he was a greiving son who'd lost his family. He affected a lot of lives, but it was never out of malice. He didn't deserve to die and be stuck inside the speedforce.

The rain ran down the window fast and hard, each raindrop creating a shimmering light on her walls thanks to the lampposts outside.

It was peaceful, a little too quiet for her taste. She didn't like that it felt like the world was already moving on without Barry. Because she sure as hell wasn't ready.

Iris rolled over in to face the wall, knowing sleep wouldn't be coming easy tonight. Part of her just wanted to stay in this bed forever, so she didn't have to get up in the morning and try to piece her life back together.

But his words kept running through her head and they were the only reason she hadn't completely given up yet. She had to keep living, Barry would be horrified if he ever learned she'd given up.

"You need to keep living your life. Keep growing, keep loving, keep running. For me. Promise me you'll run, Iris."

She didn't intend to ever forget her promise to him. It was the last bit of him she had left. She would make his final words her mantra from now on.

And she'd never, ever forget what they shared. Even if she moved on with someone else one day, she knew she'd never love anyone like she loved Barry Allen.

* * *

 **Iris was probably the hardest to write for in terms of really capturing her grief. But I hope it turned out okay.**

 **Now we get into the new stuff, where I start making up my own storylines and baddies for them to deal with while Barry is gone. I'm excited though!**

 **So, onto some questions for you all!**

 **Do you like having these four povs (Iris, Cisco, Joe, & Wally)? **

**Or would you prefer I only have chapters in one or two of their povs? And if so, which ones?**

 **Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! And thanks to everone who faved and followed this story!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello readers! Hope everyone enjoys this new chapter! And how AWESOME has The Flash been the past couple weeks? This season is shaping up to be one of my favorites, solidified even more by that kickass promo for "Therefore I Am"! Sooooo ready for more Devoe/Thinker! :D :D :D :D**

* * *

 ** _Joe's POV_**

The next morning was a rough one.

At first, Joe almost forgot that what had happened was real. For a few moments, he believed that it was all a nightmare.

It wasn't until he stepped into his bathroom and saw his face in the mirror that he remembered it wasn't a nightmare.

At least not a sleep induced one, a living one maybe.

So he chickened out, he called in sick and went back to bed, hoping against hope that he could fall asleep and not wake up until the next day.

He didn't do a whole lot the first week or so. He slept a lot, ate, took a bath or two. Barely interacted with Iris and Wally who were both essentially doing the same thing; just trying to get by without breaking down again.

This loss felt different than the others. When Wally was in the speedforce, he could feel it in his gut that it was only temporary. Wally was tricked into it and Barry had already decided that he was getting Wally back, no matter the cost.

But what had happened with Barry... It felt permanent. The hole in his heart told him so. Pulling Barry out this time could cause the end of the world if the speedforce was unbalanced. And who's to say getting Barry back was even guaranteed if they were to try.

On day five, he caved and whipped out the photo albums, proceeding to cry over the memories of Barry on his first day of high school, the day he left for college, the day he got his degree, the trip they took to Coast City one summer, just Barry, Iris, and himself.

And somehow, even though they made his heart ache with grief, he felt like looking at each and every one of those pictures also healed his soul just a tiny bit. Like reveling in these memories of Barry brought him a little closer to his lost son.

On day seven he decided he'd done enough sitting around. He'd come to his conclusion after looking at one particular picture of them all at Star Labs, captured by HR one morning.

They were all gathered around one of the white boards, the list of future events on one end, calculations on the other. Barry was leading the group meeting, with a serious and determined look on his face. And it got Joe thinking.

Even though Barry had seen Iris die, multiple times at that point, he never let it deter his spirit, he only came back and fought harder to save Iris, right to the very end. He never gave up.

He knew Barry would be appalled at how defeated they all were. His hopeful, optimistic son would never have wanted them to live their lives this way. He gave up his own life, so they could live theirs.

So he pulled himself out of bed and went to his bathroom to freshen up.

His eyes were still red, his face pink with pillowmarks from a very restless sleep, his beard in disarray. He wanted so bad to crawl back into bed.

But hunting down criminals? That was the only thing he could do right now to help keep his mind off losing Barry. Burying himself in his work was something he was very good at. And maybe, just maybe, he could begin to pick up the pieces of his heart and move on.

Besides, he didn't think he could even stand to be in this house much longer. It was polluted with too many memories of Barry. And all of those memories just made his heart ache and his head spin.

As good as it felt to feel closer to Barry by reminiscing, the harder it would be to go on if he kept up this routine. Wallowing in his grief wasn't going to do him any good. Once he was showered, dressed, and had cleaned up his facial hair, he took a deep breath and headed downstairs.

Iris' old bedroom door was shut and a faint orange light was on in there, so he assumed she was still in there.

Wally was on the couch sitting cross-legged, dressed in pajamas and eating a bowl of cereal while he watched TV.

He turned his head when he heard Joe coming down the stairs, his face showing slight surprise that Joe was all dressed and clean-shaven.

"Dad? You're... dressed?" Wally voice held confusion as he placed his bowl on the side-table.

Joe nodded. He really did want to smile, but he was finding it hard to get his face muscles to agree. "Yeah, I think it's time I head back out into the world."

Wally stood up and smiled slightly. "That's good dad, really. You're stronger than the rest of us, that's for sure."

Joe shook his head. He may have appeared that way on the outside, but inside he still just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

"Speaking of, have you heard from anyone else?" Joe asked softly, jerking his head in the direction of the kitchen for Wally to follow.

Wally got the hint and followed Joe to the kitchen where the latter began to brew a pot of coffee.

"Just Jay, two days ago. He said he gives us his best but he needed to go back to Earth-3. He also said he was really sorry for our loss and that he'll be here in a heartbeat if we need his help."

Joe nodded. He was still a little weirded out by the fact that Jay was Henry's doppelgänger, but hearing his message from Wally made the corner of his mouth raise, just a tinge.

"That's really kind of him." Joe said fondly, taking the cup of coffee and adding a spoonful of sugar.

Wally nodded too, his hands in his pockets. "Yeah it really is." He paused. "But uh, no response from Cisco. Or Harry. And Caitlin's still MIA."

He heard the sadness in his sons tone and it made him wince. If there was one thing Joe knew for sure, it was that having friends and family around you during a time of grieve was the only way not to lose your mind.

"They'll come around. We're all going through different points in our grieving process. Some people just take longer than others." Joe sipped his coffee. "But in the meantime, you need to get back to school. How many days of class have you missed?"

Wally shrugged. "Three of four. But it's not a big deal, dad. I can just make up the work when I go back."

Joe shook his head. "It is a big deal, Wally. This is your future. And trust me, I know how hard it it to even think about going back out there right now. Facing the world after what we've been through? It's an almost unthinkable task. But we have to do it now, or we never will."

Wally hung his head. Joe could tell Wally knew he was right. "Just one more day? My first class already started half an hour ago." Wally pleaded.

"Please, son. Just try. Maybe go to just one class. Baby steps, okay?" Joe placed his hands on Wally's shoulders.

He felt Wally's pain, he really did. But as the father figure here, Joe had to set the example, he had make sure he could be the person people could lean on. Lord knows they needed someone to fill that gap now that Barry was gone.

Wally sighed with a slight nod of his head. "Okay. Fine, I'll go get dressed now."

"I'll drop you off, if you want? I just need to go check on Iris." Joe poured his coffee in a to-go mug, happy to have another distraction.

"That's okay, dad. You know I can get there in two minutes, flat." Wally put his bowl in the sink. "Oh and uh, Iris still isn't talking. She finally got up and showered but then she just went right back to bed."

Joe nodded and followed Wally up the stairs. Wally headed to his room and Joe turned to Iris' door, knocking softly.

She just mumbled incoherently in response. Assuming that was the okay for him to come in, Joe creaked the door open.

"Iris?" He walked into her darkened room, the maroon blinds covering the window and creating a dark haze.

He kneeled by the bed near her head. "I'm going to work and Wally is going to school, okay? I just want you to know that you'll be home alone today. But if you need anything, anything at all, I'll be home ASAP."

Iris turned to look at him. She looked marginally better than she did that night. Like him, he was pretty sure she was fresh out of tears after crying so much.

"Dad?" She asked hoarsely. Joe could tell she hadn't said a word since that night because it sounded like she had almost lost her voice at this point.

His eyes widened slightly and he kneeled closer, placing a hand over her cold ones. "Yeah?"

"Do you think he'll ever come back?"

He felt like time had slowed down, just enough for him to think about her question. He could not, would not, tell her no. That would just crush her. And if he ever wanted her to get better, he had to give her some hope. Even if he didn't quite feel as optimistic as his words.

"Maybe some day, baby girl. You know Barry. Always the persistent one. When he wants to come back to us, he will." Joe forced a smile, kissing her head.

He heard her gulp but she nodded, starting to sit up. She looked like she was in a trance, but she slowly pulled her covers off.

"I think I'll go to work too." She finally sighed, little to no emotion in her voice.

Joe's eyebrow arched. He had definitely not expected her to say that. He would've totally understood if she wanted to lay in bed a couple more days.

"A-are you sure? No one is expecting you to, Iris." He said calmly, watching her get up and shuffle to the dresser where she had kept clothes for emergencies. He never actually thought she would need them for a situation like this though.

"Yes dad." She said rather shortly, a bit of bite to her tone. "What use am I sitting here alone, right? What use was Barry's sacrifice if I'm going to waste my life?"

Her sudden mood swing from frail to angry frightened Joe a bit but he didn't say anything to upset her further. If she wanted to cope by jumping back into things too, he wasn't about to stop her and be hypocritical. Maybe she would come and talk to him soon.

"Okay, I get it. That was my reasoning too. As hard as it's going to be. To, you know, pretend like everything's okay. I just want to make sure you feel ready. You know I'm overprotective." Joe kissed the crown of her head.

Iris nodded and he saw some of the tension leave her shoulders. "I know. I guess I just want to get out of here. I just want to get out of my own head."

He definitely understood that. Probably more than she realized. So he hugged her once more and headed for the door. "Amen to that. Just be careful today okay? If you feel like you can't handle things, come right back. There's no shame in that. I love you."

She nodded, a frown still marring her face but she seemed in a well-enough state to be honest with him. "I will dad. And I love you too."

He managed a ghost of a smile before he quietly shut the door. He felt like he had to walk on eggshells around her still, but at least she was taking a small step forward. That's all he wanted for her right now. Hopefully the "opening up about her feelings" would happen sooner rather than later.

He heard the shower running and figured Wally was doing as he asked and was getting ready for school.

So, with his kids taken care of, he supposed it was time to face the day. Task one: walk into the precinct and make it to his desk without giving any outward indication that anything was wrong.

It was something he hadn't even thought about once since that night. How were they going to explain Barry's absence? They couldn't tell the truth, they couldn't say he died because there was no body, no record, no funeral, nothing. No indication that he was actually dead.

So now they were forced to come up with some lie that would what? Keep people believing? But up until what point?

The whole thing made his head hurt but he knew he had to deal with it. Captain Singh would be wondering what happened to him.

Wait. Julian was still there, right? With everything that had happened, all the new people that helped that night, Harry, Jay, Gypsy, he'd forgotten Julian was there too. At least the precinct would manage fine then. They were only one forensic analyst down.

And maybe Julian could come up with a better lie than, 'he went on vacation and didn't say a word'. Which is all Joe could come up with at the moment.

He arrived at CCPD and took a deep breath before hopping out of the car. The station was buzzing as usual, and it hurt Joe a little to see everything still moving forward. Like he was the only one who realized things were different in the biggest way possible.

He got some 'hellos' and 'good mornings' from fellow cops and detectives. But no sign of Singh yet thankfully.

Joe quickly made his way up the stairs to the Barry's- or the forensic lab as it was to be dubbed now.

What he saw caught him by surprise. No, the sight of Julian there didn't surprise, but rather what Julian was doing.

"Why are you packing?" Joe asked incredulously, a little shocked and honestly a little saddened.

Julian barely glanced his way before responding in his usual accented and clipped tone. "I'm leaving Central City."

"But why?"

"There's nothing here for me, Detective. Caitlin is lost to us, Allen and HR are both gone . The whole operation and team are essentially over. There's no point in staying when all I have are memories, and quite depressing one's at that." Julian forcefully shoved some books into the box he had on the table.

Joe took a step towards the younger man, rather surprised at himself for being so genuinely saddened by Julian's statement. He was never close to Julian, never all that fond of him, but he'd become a part of the team, and therefore, a part of his family. "You don't have to go Julian. We're still here, you still have a good job here. We need you here."

Julian shook his head. "They'll transfer someone in from another precinct. I just- I can't be here anymore, okay?" He finally faced Joe head on. "I am grateful, Detective. Even though Allen and I butted heads, he still welcomed me into the team. After what happened with Savitar, you guys made me feel accepted, and that was nice. I was the happiest I've ever been, I think, for those few months. But that's over. Allen, Caitlin, and HR are all gone, the team is no more."

Joe wanted to argue, but it was true. Things were never going to be the same. They'd lost three members of the team. Two of which were the ones Julian was closest to. He didn't know what they were going to do with the team now. "You're right." Joe sighed, defeated. "Nothing will ever be the same again. But we can try and get better together, Julian. You aren't alone anymore."

Julian shook his head. "I appreciate the sentiment, Detective. I really do. I just don't think that's possible anymore."

"There's nothing I can say that'll convince you stay, is there?"

"No, there isn't."

Joe sighed again. "At least let me know where you're going. So I know you'll be okay." Julian cracked a smile. "I didn't know you cared that much, Detective." He paused. "I'm going back to London. I think it's high-time I try to reconnect with my family over there. If these past couple years have taught me anything, it's that life is way too short not to spend it with the people you love."

Joe smiled back, content with that reponse. At least he was going to be with family, that made Joe feel a little better. "That's good, Julian. If you have to go, I'm happy you'll have people surrounding you that love you. Just don't be a stranger okay? If you're ever back to the states, just know you always have somewhere to stay."

Julian nodded his head, shoving the rest of his books into the box. "That means a lot to me, more than you know. I'll keep in touch. Tell Iris I-... Well, tell her I'm so sorry for everything." He hesitated before slowly moving towards Joe and holding out his arms for a hug, which Joe gladly accepted. "And thank you. For everything." Julian added quietly.

Joe felt an unexpected lump in his throat at his words. There was so much in his 'thank you' that Joe knew didn't need to be spoken. It was a thank you for making him feel accepted, for helping him, for giving him a purpose.

"You're welcome. You're a good person, Julian. Don't forget that, okay?" Joe said seriously, needing to remind Julian of that. Despite only initially being used as a puppet by Savitar, he knew Julian still felt guilt over it.

Julian pulled away, his eyes slightly glossy. "I won't, I promise." He picked up his two boxes and headed for the door. Joe placed a hand on Julian's shoulder and the two shared a comforting smile for a moment, one filled with thank-you's and goodbyes before Joe let go and Julian was gone.

It felt like another punch to the gut, to see someone else leave. The people in his life were dwindling by the week. The only comfort he had was that at least Julian was going to be with his family and not alone.

Even though the odds seemed stacked up against him, he took a moment to breath deeply and close his eyes, trying to regain his composure. In a way, he felt odd that he was starting to become almost numb to the feeling of loss. Like he was already so far deep into a rut that even more loss couldn't break him further.

Just get through the day. He told himself, doing his best to push his feelings aside so he could work.

Once he felt calmer, he headed back downstairs, ready to fight whatever the rest of the day had in store for him.

* * *

 **Ahh Joe, always trying to be everyone's rock, even when he's just as broken inside :') It makes me sad to write Julian out, but he's gone in season 4. :( I might bring him back at some point for a chapter, but if I did, it wouldn't be for quite a while.**

 **Couple of reviews I wanted to respond to: (which, THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed/faved/followed/read the story so far! The response was larger than I expected and I am so grateful for each and every one of you. It's really a good motivator to know people actually read and enjoy my work. You guys are the best!)**

 **I will be including all four povs, but it will be when I feel that characters pov is necessary, so it's likely not all the characters will have the same amount of chapters. So thank you to kathleenquinzel, Sara, and Sara J for that feedback.**

 **Sara: I was actually not aware G*psy was a slur. I feel terrible that I didn't know that and I'm sorry for anyone I offended (makes more sense why The Flash twitter account "misspelled" her name haha). I will defintely be working her real name into my next Cisco chapter.**

 **Sara J: I am ABSOLUTELY in love with Cynco's (Cisco & Cynthia) relationship. So you should most certainly expect a lot of them. ;)**

 **For the one guest that asked about villains: I didn't think about making up my own, but I really like that idea. So it'll be a combination of my own made up ones, and other DC villains that haven't been introduced in the DCTV universe yet.**

 **And a big ole thank you to EVERYONE'S praise and feedback on the story so far. It means the world to me! (And sorry for this super long authors note)**

 **Until next communion!**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Wally's POV_**

Okay, so he _may_ have lied to Joe.

He said he was going to class, but instead he went to Star Labs. He simply couldn't keep track of all the crimes just on his phone. And he didn't know the system well enough to connect his phone to it.

Which is why he'd been heading there almost everyday and studying the lab, trying to figure out how it worked. He was studying to be an engineer, he fully understood most of the basics.

He hadn't seen or heard from Harry once, which led him to believe either he'd left or he was just lurking around where the medbay was. It had been the only room not essentially torn to shreds in the explosion. Or maybe he was in Cisco's messed up lab.

He'd also considered asking Cisco himself for help, but he didn't even know how Cisco was right now. He was probably at his own apartment, trying to deal with shit there.

He didn't want to bother anyone else with this, but he was afraid that was going to become impossible soon. So far he'd managed to avoid the public eye.

Sooner or later, though, they were going to realize a speedster was helping them again. Which means the papers and TV news stations would report speedster sightings again.

Iris and Joe had been avoiding those outlets so far. But Wally hadn't, and he knew what most of the newpapers were talking.

"Lightning Storm Nearly Destroys Central City"

"Where Is The Flash?"

"Still No Word On The Flash's Whereabouts?"

"Is The Flash Dead?"

All in the span of a week. Suffice to say, the citizens were talking, just like they always did.

And that was a whole can of worms that he was worried about opening. There were two ways things could happen if he started helping people as Kid Flash again:

1\. The rest of the team could slowly trickle in to help him

2\. No one wanted to face the pain and they all drifted apart.

That last one had him very afraid. He knew Joe would never leave him alone to do all this, but Iris probably wouldn't be able to do it. Harry probably wouldn't stay, he and Cisco weren't that great of friends so he probably wouldn't stay. Julian was probably just going to stay at CCPD.

Wally sped into the cortex and looked around, the sight saddening him a little. It was empty of course, with most of it destroyed except for one single computer that Cisco had hooked up that night.

That was the computer Wally had been using to track crimes. Thankfully, there were no meta sightings yet. It had only been a week since the showdown with Savitar and he was sure everyone, metas included, were afraid to come out just yet.

That wouldn't last long though. Sooner or later they'd realize The Flash wasn't here anymore and once again there would be metas trying to make their mark or take over.

Unfortunately for him, the name Kid Flash didn't quite strike the same chord with the metas as The Flash did. Wally just hadn't done anything to make them really see him as a threat. Well that would change, he'd make sure of it.

He sat down on the floor behind the computer, pulling out the electrical panel so he could continue studying the wiring. He was starting to get the hang of this, it was a slow but sure process. This was a very high-tech facility, for sure.

He didn't know how long he was sitting there, but when he back started to ache, he figured it would be a good time to stop.

When he glanced at his watch, he saw that only an hour had passed and he groaned.

Barry was right, sometimes being a speedster sucked. Time moved way too slow for someone who could go as fast as they could.

He didn't even know what he was waiting for. As much as he wished Barry could come back. It just wasn't possible. At least not right now.

Maybe he just wanted everyone to come back together. Being alone was the worst. And he felt like that's how everyone felt right now. They all had a different kind of relationship with Barry and they all needed to grieve.

And Iris... man his sister was the strongest person he'd ever met. He'd knew she'd pull through and whip all their asses into shape. It was really just a matter of when it happened.

 _Speaking of_ , he thought to himself. Maybe he should pay her a visit. Joe was at work, the house was clear.

As strong as Iris was, he knew she was hurting worse than any of them. Maybe a little company was all she needed.

And he had just the plan.

He whipped on his coat and raced through the streets, headed straight for Coast City.

After a little tip from Barry, he knew exactly how much cash to leave and exactly which pizza parlor was the best.

It was a good thing speedsters burned through food like nothing. Otherwise they'd weight at least three-hundred pounds with all the pizza they ate.

After picking up the food, he ran to Barry and Iris'- or Iris' apartment and stopped, taking a moment to compose himself.

The apartment still looked exactly the same. And that was the hard part. Things weren't the same no matter how they looked.

He shook his head and this time walked over to their DVD and book case, thumbing through them until he found the right one.

Satisfied with his findings, he ran back home and placed everything on the coffee table, wiping a slight sheen of sweat off his brow before knocking on Iris' door.

She mumbled for him to come in and he creaked the door open slightly. She looked okay. Less dead-on-her-feet like she had a few days ago.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hi. Aren't you supposed to be in class?" She asked, her voice a little weary and raspy.

Wally almost laughed at how much she sounded like a disapproving older sister.

"I am, but I just uh, couldn't. Too much on my mind." Wally shrugged.

She nodded like she completely understood and didn't say another word on the matter. "So what are you doing in here then?"

"Well I uh, wanted to ask you if you'd like to join me for pizza and a movie? Just to, ya know. Relax a bit, forget about things for a while."

Wally could tell she wanted to say no, but then her eyes glanced over to the window and back to his hopeful face and she nodded.

"Okay, lets go." She picked up her smaller blanket and followed him downstairs to the living room.

"You got pizza? From Coast City?" Iris asked, her tone surprised.

"Yep." Wally smiled proudly. "Hawaiian, your favorite. And two regular cheese pizza's for me." Wally set down a pack Coca-Colas as well, proud of his work. He had a feeling Iris hadn't been eating much of the food Joe had cooked the past few days.

She opened the box and started eating a piece, sitting back on the couch. "So what are we watch-?" She started to ask. But then she seemingly caught sight of the two movies sitting next to Wally's pizza boxes.

Wally was a little unsure about how she was going to react and was horrified when her eyes welled up with tears.

He immediately rushed to her side and wrapped an arm around her. "Iris, I'm so sorry I thought-" He started to rush out before she stopped him.

"No, no it's fine. It's just... Singing in the Rain and Harry Potter. Two of Barry's absolute favorites."

And for the first time since Barry left, Wally saw Iris smile. It was one filled with pain and loss, but also joy and fondness.

"Thank you Wally. This really means a lot to me." She sniffled, tugging her legs up so they were tucked under her.

Wally nodded, too choked up to really say anything, and put the first one in.

"Did Barry ever tell you he used to watch this movie with his mom?" Iris asked quietly after the movie started rolling.

"No. He didn't." Wally was surprised that Barry had loved this movie since he was a young boy. It didn't exactly seem 11-year old boy to him.

Iris nodded. "He said something like, people express their true feelings when singing and that he thought that was beautiful and that he wished people could be like that all the time. Truthful. Happy."

Wally watched Iris as she spoke, smiling as Iris' eyes finally let loose some tears. This time they weren't tears of despair but tears of nostalgia and love.

"He was happy right?" Iris whispered after a moment of silence.

Wally looked at her, bewildered. "Iris, of course he was. There's no doubt in my mind. And you know why? Because he had you. You made him happier than I'd ever seen anyone." Wally stared at her, straight in the eye.

Iris nodded and then gripped Wally around the neck, pulling him closer so she could hug him as she cried into his shoulder. "Thank you." She hiccuped as she gained control over her tears.

"Hey, it's what brothers are for, right?" He laid his head on top of her head, not moving his arm from around her shoulders.

She smiled again and turned back to the TV, content to mindlessly watch one of Barry's old favorites.

When Joe came home, he stopped dead when he saw Wally and Iris on the couch. They were surrounded by pizza boxes and soda cans as they silently watched movies.

He just smiled at them and took off his coat, moving over to sit on the other side of Iris.

She immediately moved closer to Joe and rested her head on his shoulder for comfort.

"Love you, baby girl." He whispered into her hair, kiss her hairline.

"I love you too dad." She squeezed him a little tighter.

Wally just watched the two of them, feeling a sense of achievement for the first time in a while. He got Iris to come out of her room and talk, interact with him and Joe. It was a definite start, and he was glad to feel just a smidge of normalcy come back to his life.

If only that feeling could last forever.

* * *

 **Yes, this story is moving kind of slow and yes, the action will pick up. The first few chapters established the characters grief and how they felt, while the next few will really focus on the characters and their relationships with each other. Because knowing these characters and how close they, there's no way they could move on with their lives without relying on each other.**

 **This one was very West family heavy, the next one will be very Cynco & Cisco/Harry heavy. It will probably be around chapter 7 or 8 when we see all these characters slowly come back together.**

 **Quick side note: how amazing was the midseason premiere?! That WA scene had me SCREAMING. Also, #FREEBARRYALLEN !**

 **But I hope you all are enjoying the story so far. :)**

 **Until next communion!**


	7. Chapter 7

**_Cisco's POV_**

It had been a very long week, most of which consisted of moping around his room or kitchen.

Even video games had lost their appeal. They only served as a reminder that Barry wasn't here anymore, seeing as Barry had been his co-op partner for three years. Up until a few months ago when the Savitar stuff really picked up, they used to spend every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday night playing a wide variety of games together.

Now video games only made him feel sad. Losing ones best friends ruined quite a lot of things.

The only time he didn't feel as crappy was when Cynthia was around. After that first time, she'd been coming around every night to check on him. She let him curl up next to her while they both fell asleep a few nights, and the other times she just stayed until he fell asleep before leaving.

She was still a bounty hunter after all, and he couldn't expect her to stay with him all the time. Even if he really wanted her to.

It was almost like he could feel their connection growing stronger with each passing moment they spent together. Now he could sense her coming before a breach even opened.

He hadn't talked to anyone else from Team Flash (could they even still call themselves that anymore?) since that night. He didn't know how they were doing or what they were up to.

He felt like he should go check on them but he couldn't find the motivation. The future was so unclear now. How were they even going to remain a team when the reason for their coming together was gone?

He groaned and closed his eyes, tipping his head back against the couch. It was eleven am and he really felt like he should be doing something.

He felt that familiar tug from somewhere in his chest. And sure enough, the wall opposite him glowed blue and the sound of heels clicking against the hardwood floor alerted him to Cynthia's presence.

A gentle smile tugged at his lips as he turned around and placed his cup of coffee on the table, the sight of her filling him with a sudden warmth.

"Hey you." She smiled, grasping his purple hoodie and pulling him in closer so she could kiss his cheek.

"Hi." He sighed in contentment. "To what do I owe this pleasure? Usually you come by much later."

He stood up and followed her as she stepped into his little kitchen.

She went about pouring herself coffee into a to-go-mug, smiling at him from over her shoulder. "I have a bounty to collect on Earth-74, but I wanted to check up on you first. I'm not sure how late I'll be tonight."

Cisco almost blushed, but he found her concern for him adorable. "Awe, are you worried about me?" He teased lightly. It felt good to do that again.

She raised an eyebrow at him, her free hand on her hip. "Don't make me kick your ass, _Vibe_."

He put his hands up in mock defense. "Sorry, sorry. I just find it flattering that you're so worried about me. It's nice though."

"Yeah, well don't make me take it back. I don't have to come here every night." She sipped her coffee, her smile betraying the clipped tone she used.

"I won't say another word on the matter." He pretended to zip his lips.

He knew feelings weren't her strong suit and that she was very guarded about those feelings, so he let it go.

Plus, she'd been coming by so often after the Savitar incident that he was afraid bringing it up would remind her about whatever weird thing they had going on before.

If pity was the reason she was coming around more, he'd take it. She was the only thing keeping him from losing it right now.

"Good." She put her cup on the counter and walked back over to him. "So, how are you feeling?" She asked, slipping her arms around his waist. The move was so coupley, Cisco couldn't help but smile down at her.

Then he remembered she asked him how he was. So he just shrugged. "As well as can be expect. I feel better when you're here." He mumbled.

She kissed his cheek. "I wish I could help and be around more." She kissed his cheek again before clearing her throat. "Maybe you should think about contacting one of your friends?"

"I don't want to bother them." Cisco brushed it off. He did not want to go there yet. He wasn't ready.

She nodded. "What are your plans today then?" The way she looked up at him told him she wasn't going to let the friends thing go. Sneaky little minx she was, she was trying to word it differently to throw him off.

Nope, even when depressed and tired as hell, Cisco Ramon was still on top of things.

He glanced around the room and gestured as he did so. "Um, this? I dunno, I thought I'd shower, maybe tinker with some stuff." He shrugged.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I really think you should talk to someone else. What about Wells? He's probably still at Star Labs all by himself. And the Wests, maybe they could use a visit from someone who understands their pain."

What she was saying made complete sense and he knew she was right, but he still wasn't ready to deal with anything right now. It had only been a little longer than a week.

"And I will eventually, I promise. But what good can I do right now? I'm still just as depressed, it'll probably just make them feel even worse. Plus, it's only been eight days." He slumped down in the nearest chair.

She sighed, "Right now it's eight days Next thing you know it'll be eight weeks and you'll still be using that excuse. Look, take it from someone who let their guilt and sadness fester until it exploded and I went on a one-woman-mission to destory Kadabra; you'll never get better unless you move forward and live your life. Otherwise you're stuck in a rut, feeling horrible about everything."

Cisco opened his mouth to argue but she raised her hand to silence him.

"I don't mean to be demanding or pushy, Cisco. I just want you to feel better. I see how you are when you're around your friends. You're happier, lighter. I just think it'll make you feel better."

Cisco groaned. "Damn. Why do you have to be right all the time?" He buried his head in his hands.

"It's something you learn after being around me this long." Cynthia grabbed his face and forced him to look up at her. "So what do you say? At least talk to Wells first, that will be the easier task."

He looked up at her and traced all of her adorable freckles with his eyes, smiling slightly. "For you? Alright."

"Thank you." She smiled back, leaning over to kiss his bottom lip before pulling away and chugging the cup of coffee she had set behind her while Cisco chuckled.

"Do you really have to go so soon?" He asked, giving her his best pouty face.

"Yep." She laughed at his mock-hurt expression. "I'll be back later. I _do_ have a job ya know."

"Okay, okay. But, you should know that I will do my best to woo you one of these days." He said seriously.

" _Woo_ me, huh? And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" She teased.

"I have yet to take you out on a first date. And that simply won't do."

"Is that right? Well in that case, I can't wait to watch you woo me. Do you already have it planned?" She asked, one eyebrow raised. He could see the pink tinge appear on her cheeks that betrayed her cool attitude towards the subject.

"I've had it planned since the night you first kissed me." He chuckled even though he was perfectly serious. "I like to be ahead of the game when I'm wooing a girl. Not that, you know, it happens a lot."

She shook her head. "I can't imagine why. You're pretty adorable Cisco Ramon." She smiled up at him, a full-blown blush now on her cheeks.

It was quite a feat, he thought, to reduce this hardass woman to blushes. It made him feel powerful in a sense. Not that he thought he wielded any power of her, but because he liked being the one to turn her mushy.

"Not as adorable as you." He countered. Hey, any excuse to keep her around and keep her talking to him. He was so not looking forward to going to Star Labs.

"I think you underestimate the power of that cute smile and insanely sexy hair." She teased, pulling away. "Now stop stalling and go get dressed, okay? I have to get going."

He sighed at the loss of contact but nodded in response to her orders. "Yes ma'am?" He leaned in, hoping for a kiss.

She smirked and leaned in too, only to pat his head and throw her fist to the side, creating a breach before jumping through it.

Cisco scoffed and pouted, glancing over at the counter. She even took his favorite cup with her.

But as reluctant as he was, she was totally right.

So that's how he found himself dressed in a Star Wars tee, jacket, and jeans, walking into the rubble that was Star Labs.

Being here was so, so painful. This was the place his life had changed so many time. But this last time, was by far the worst. Looking at the shattered remains of his once amazing life, Cisco plucked up the courage to walk into what remained of the Cortex.

He was surprised however to find it slightly cleaner than when they last left it that night. There was a small area by the main computer that had a new chair, the computer itself was semi-repaired, and there was a single lamp on the desk next to it.

"You know, I've been wondering what that's about." A voice startled him, making him leap in the air a bit and his hand shoot to his heart.

"Geez! Announce yourself next time please." Cisco shuddered as Harry smirked back at him. It wasn't quite the same smirk he remembered, maybe a little sadder.

"Judging by how shocked and jumpy you are, I'm guessing this isn't your handiwork?" Harry asked, walking up next to him.

Cisco glared at the other man but shook his head. "Nope, this isn't me. I thought it was you."

"No I haven't come up here. There are a couple rooms downstairs that didn't take as much of a hit in the explosion so I've been staying there."

Harry said it so casually but Cisco couldn't help but feel a little guilt well-up in his stomach.

"Look, Harry, if you need somewhere to stay, you can crash at my place. I've been so wrapped up in myself I didn't even think about you or Jay."

Harry waved him off. "We've all been dealing with things, Ramon. And uh, I know I made a promise to Barry that I'd stay on Earth-1, but Jesse needs me. So I think, in a couple weeks, I'm going to go back to my earth."

Cisco tried to push away the feeling of dread that yet another person in his life was going to be leaving him. Harry had a daughter and she was the most important thing to him. Cisco had to respect that.

"Barry would want you to be with your daughter. If you don't need to be here anymore, I understand. I can breach you there whenever you need."

Harry nodded, putting his hands on his hips. Cisco followed the motions of his arms and wondered to himself how Harry had even changed his clothes.

"I'll stick around a bit longer. Make sure everyone and everything is in order though." Harry coughed awkwardly and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "So what are you doing here then? If you're not here to check the computer."

Cisco shrugged. "I just wanted to check on everyone. Cynthia said I should."

"She's still here then?" Harry looked around as if expecting to see her.

"Not on Earth-1. She just comes by my place every once in a while to see me and steal my coffee." He smiled slightly.

Harry nodded, his eyebrow raised with a slight smile. Almost like he was approving of Cisco's situation. "Good for you, Ramon."

And there it was again. That feeling like he was currently having a chat with his father. No matter which Wells it was, Cisco had a feeling he'd always be like a father to him. It was both a blessing and a curse.

The two men shared a slightly awkward but genuinely friendly smile.

"So, what do you say we figure out who's been messing with the computer?" Cisco clapped his hands together.

"I'd say let's get cracking on our mystery hero. Whoever it is really knows what they're doing with the wiring. It's almost perfect."

"You know, maybe we should also think about fixing up the lab a bit more. Hardly in working condition." Cisco threw out there, eyeing Harry who seemed to be seriously considering it.

After a moment, Harry nodded. "Lets do it. I can spare an extra day or two. Whatever it takes to get this place in working condition."

And that's how Cisco and Harry ended up spending the entire night hanging out. Like, actually hanging out. Even though Harry would never admit it, they had fun talking tech, eating Big Belly Burger, and studying the handiwork done by their mystery hero.

Best part was, Harry only ended up calling Cisco a dumbass _twice_. That was quite the record for them. Usually they hit at least five times if they were working in close quarters.

Cisco glanced over at Harry as he shoved some debris out of the way and huffed in irritation and Cisco smiled. This felt familiar, this felt right.

Cynthia was right, he was already feeling a little better. Being with a friend, having something useful to do, it was already making him feel more like himself.

Next hurdle? Checking up on the Wests.

* * *

 **Two chapters in one night? Yeah, I've been sitting on these for a while. Just been too busy to post them.**

 **Sorry if you don't like Cynco. I've become pretty obsessed with them myself so you'll see them sprinkled throughout other chapters and probably featured heavily in Cisco-centric chapters. I just really wish we could've seen more on how their relationship progressed and how they got to the point they're at now. And I hope we see Cynthia/Jessica again soon. ^_^**

 **Until next communion!**


	8. Chapter 8

Hope you all enjoy the newest chapter!

* * *

 ** _Iris' POV_**

Getting out of bed was the hardest part.

She hated, _hated_ feeling so weak and helpless. It wasn't a feeling she was accustomed to. But this time was different.

She'd lost people in the past of course; her mom, Eddie, Ronnie, H.R., Laurel, Snart. But none of them had had the impact on her life and heart like Barry. No man or even woman would ever compare to him, there was no one she could ever love like him.

Which was why letting go was so hard. The only reason she managed to get out of bed that day, was knowing Joe and Wally were facing their day too. Knowing that she wasn't alone and that Barry was still with her, spiritually anyways.

She didn't know where Cisco was. How he was doing, if he was okay. She didn't know what happened to Julian, Cynthia, Harry, or Jay. And she felt so selfish for it. She just didn't know what to say though.

This was now her second day back at work, a week and a half since Barry left and nothing had gotten easier. For the most part, she kept to herself. She was just happy to have a distraction.

The hardest moments came when people actually spoke to her and popped that protective bubble she had around her.

Linda kept trying to get her to go out for drinks, and when she mentioned Barry, Iris flinched.

"I haven't seen Barry around lately. Usually he's here to bring you lunch and pick you up." Linda leaned over her desk to talk quietly to Iris.

Their editor was lurking around, making sure people were following their deadlines, so Linda paused and pulled away when he walked past.

Iris felt her stomach twist in painful knots but she kept her face as straight as possible while she cleared her throat. "He's visiting family right now. Taking a sabbatical." She responded with the lie they'd painstakingly came up with.

Right now, they were still holding out hope that he'd come back to them and couldn't bare to say that he'd died.

"I bet that's pretty fun. Too bad you couldn't go with him, right?" Linda grinned, shrugging as she went back to typing.

She had no idea about the unexpected wave of hurt that washed over Iris.

But what scared her the most was the future. She knew it was coming, pretty soon here, more people were going to start asking more about Barry. About what happened to him and why they weren't getting married.

There was only so long Joe could keep Captain Singh at bay.

Thankfully, it had been a slow news day, even slower than the day before so her editor allowed her to leave early.

When she got home that night, her stomach immediately dropped as she was enveloped in someone's arms, blonde hair blurring her vision.

When the person pulled away, she was met with the somber face of Felicity Smoak, tear streaks staining her cheeks and making her eyes shiny behind her glasses. Oliver was standing behind Felicity, his face stern as if he was holding back his own emotion.

"Iris I-". Felicity started but was unable to finish her sentence as her throat choked up and the two hugged tightly again.

No full sentences were spoken between the two, just hugs and sobs and whispers of "I'm sorry".

They didn't stay long though, they were gone by that night seeing as Oliver had his own duties to fulfill in Star City.

But before they left, and after Felicity had already headed outside to their motorcycle, Oliver stopped in front of Iris and stared at her for a moment.

"Oliver, what-"

She was cut off by the man bending down to hug her.

To say she was shocked would be an understatement. This man hated hugs and rarely showed emotion towards anyone but Felicity, Diggle, Thea, and sometimes Barry.

She found herself being once again being choked up by her own tears and squeezed him back.

"He'll come back, I know it." Oliver said as he pulled away. She'd never heard his voice so soft. It still had the gruff quality, but it wasn't his normal tone. "Barry can never stay away from you too long."

And with a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, he was gone, leaving Iris stunned, but also touched by his words.

Next up came the Legends, who popped in the very next morning. Ray literally picked her up and all but squeezed the life out of her, that big old teddy bear. He put her down and smiled sadly down at her. "I'm really sorry, Iris." He mumbled, his eyes sad.

Sara, who was usually very stoic and headstrong, had tears in her eyes as she hugged Iris. "If you need us, for anything at all, you call us okay?"

"Some of us have already agreed to hang around Central City for a bit. Help you guys out." Nate nodded his head and he Amaya, Stein, and Jax took turns hugging Iris.

Iris shook her head. "No, it's okay guys. You have more important things to worry about."

"Nothing is more important than friends and family." Ray said adamantly.

Iris was really touched, but the more people felt sorry for her, the worse she felt. They didn't feel the same loss her and Joe did, so there was no way she could expect them to understand.

Plus, she could not handle the thought of being the reason people got hurt. The Legends had a job to do and Iris didn't want them to risk it for her.

"Guys, really. As amazing as that would be, I want you to keep going. I can't drag anyone else behind with me." She pleaded, wanting them to know how grateful she was even if she didn't want them to stay.

She saw Ray, Sara, and Nate all open their mouths to argue until a new voice chimed in.

"You heard the lady. Bug off." Mick came strolling out of the kitchen, a beer and sandwich in hand. "She wants to be alone. Not everyone grieves the same way."

Mick had the usual look of indifference and boredom on his face as he plopped onto the couch, but his words felt sincere and Iris was more than a little surprised.

She looked at the other Legends and saw the same looks of disbelief on their faces.

"That's surprisingly insightful Mr. Rory." Martin spoke up first, his voice holding a slightly proud tone.

Sara sighed and nodded. "He's right. If that's what you want Iris, we'll go."

"I don't mean it as I don't want you guys around. I just... I don't want anyone fussing over me, I guess." Iris reached out for Sara's hand and gave it a squeeze before pulling away.

"We know you don't mean it maliciously. We just wanted to be there for you is all." Sara ran her hand down Iris' arm and squeezed her hand back supportively.

Ray nodded enthusiastically. "And we will. We'll visit a lot and bring you back lots of weird gifts. We have a timeship, remember? I'm thinking, some kind of trinket from every era of time!"

Iris giggled a little and nodded, her eyes filled with tears. She just felt so lucky to have these people in her life. People that genuinely cared and loved her enough to take time out of their busy, saving-the-world schedules to make sure she was okay.

"Hey! I have an idea, why don't you, Wally, and Joe join us for dinner on the Waverider? Gideon has gotten very good at cooking meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Nate piped in.

Iris looked around at all of them and nodded. "That sounds great, you guys. We'd love to."

"Great! We'll pick you all up at 8. I know that's kind of late, but I know you all work today." Sara pulled Iris in for another hug. "Remember, we're all here for you, okay?"

Iris gave her a genuine smile and nodded. Sometimes she felt so overwhelmed with emotion that all she found herself doing was nodding and smiling. She was almost afraid that if she spoke, she'd just start crying.

"We love you, Iris." Ray whispered as he took his turn hugging her. Iris squeezed her shut and whispered back that she loved them all.

Then they were gone too (but only after Mick stole a loaf of bread, the rest of their sliced turkey, and a bottle of mustard. Amaya apologized profusely for this).

Iris heaved out a sigh as she waved goodbye and they piled into two cabs, seeing as they couldn't just land the Waverider in the middle of the street.

Joe had already left and Wally was asleep upstairs so Iris cooked herself some breakfast and sat at the table.

She actually felt... marginally better. She couldn't explain it, but seeing them all and hearing their words of love and encouragement just gave her that extra bit of strength she needed.

She opened up her phone (which she'd barely touched in weeks) and flipped through the album labeled "Barry & I". Cute little pictures she'd taken of them together, pictures she'd snuck in when Barry wasn't looking. For once, they made her smile fondly and not cry.

"I love you, Barry." She whispered to the room. And she swore, _swore_ , that she felt a wave of something pass over her. Of love, understanding, she didn't know. It felt like Barry was repeating the sentiment and telling her to go live her life again.

She knew Barry was with her now, as he always would be. Wally would later tell her she was nuts, but Iris knew she could feel him because her world no longer felt filled with despair.

All these people, Barry's friends who were now her friends too, they were reminders of all the lives Barry had touched. And that made her happy. It made her feel like as long as she continued moving on and surrounding herself by people they both loved, she was living up to Barry's last words.

Doing that meant more to her than anything else in the whole world.

So she squared her shoulders and grabbed her things, heading out to her car and into work.

She was ready to become her old self again, ready to face the world again. For her, and for her Barry.

When she got into CCPN, Linda was waiting by her desk with a cup of Jitters coffee, a smirk on her face.

"Hey West. You look something fierce this morning. What's got your engine going so hard today?" She asked as Iris gratefully clutched the coffee between her hands and sipped it.

Iris shrugged and sat down at her desk. "I don't know. I just feel like I've been going through the motions for a while. But I'm ready to get back on the horse."

"Good for you." Linda smiled. "And it just so happens I've got the perfect way to do that. There's a protest going on downtown later. Some kind of women's rights thing. You wanna go? You may even get a story out of it."

Iris thought for a moment. That little voice inside of her told her to just go home and keep to herself. But Iris knew she wouldn't get better that way. She had to tak the leap. "Okay, lets do it."

I mean really, what could possibly go wrong?

* * *

Alright, now we'll get into the meatier stuff! There'll be metas coming into play as well as Team Flash coming together again.

I will be going the AU route, btw. I genuinely LOVE season 4 soooo much. But there's only so much I can twist up what's already written canonically in the show. So while my story will follow certain plot points like the show, I think it'll be more fun for me if I put my own spin on things. :)

Until next communion!


End file.
